Ashton Deroy Writes: Have you ever met someone so pig headed, they would let you criticize our public banking system before they let you criticize them for having, for example $8,000 in debt? That would be the case for me in dealing with one of my family’s narcissists. What is a narcissist?
Some people think I qualify as a narcissist because I write blogs. However I don’t think the world runs around me & as I will point out to anyone who spends enough time with me, I hate myself. However I am talking about someone who is so truly delusional in narcissistic behaviors, I could at times buy in to what they said. Although that has faded over time. Now I am mesmerized by the display of constantly unhealthy behavior, while keeping a healthy distance and doing some healthy introspection on top of it.
Ever met a couple where one of the people in the couple has a sole purpose of making sure the other doesn’t crash the car well drunk? This reminds me of this narcissist’s girlfriend or sometimes the “enabler”. The thin line of co-existence & codependency is met by the fact he has interfered with her ability to keep a job, take care of her daughter & function. Meanwhile when she had a job and he didn’t he have no problem asking her for the money for weed. I repeat, “enabler”. I said, I use them to introspect and this is partially why I don’t want my boyfriend to buy me weed.
How to distance yourself from the narcissist?
- Lie– When they call? Say you have stuff to do.
- Tell Harsh truths- Just as effective as lying because when the narcissist has taken too big a blow on their ego they will back off. (If they are not violent)
- Don’t let them control the schedule– They always want to suck you back in to their world. Always state why you are busy or indifferent to their plans.
I use all of these tips to deal with the family narcissist because getting sucked in is not an option.
Three things we can’t really say to this family narcissist:
- You need a job – You are behind on your bills and can’t afford food half the time. Again you have $8,000 in debt.
- Go get medical help – You have serious mental health and addictions issues. Yet you do not address them
- Treat your mother & sister with respect – How is it you have slut shamed one & called the other a whore?
Anyways I saw this narcissist last night in Stirling Ontario & as of now at Loyalist College. I am glad it is over.
Check out the Narcissist’s Dilemma written by Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. Published October 12th 2011.