Categories
Mental health

Talking about a family narcissist. Ashton Deroy

Codependency

Ashton Deroy Writes: Have you ever met someone so pig headed, they would let you criticize our public banking system before they let you criticize them for having, for example $8,000 in debt? That would be the case for me in dealing with one of my family’s narcissists. What is a narcissist?  

Narcissist

Some people think I qualify as a narcissist because I write blogs. However I don’t think the world runs around me & as I will point out to anyone who spends enough time with me, I hate myself. However I am talking about someone who is so truly delusional in narcissistic  behaviors, I could at times buy in to what they said. Although that has faded over time. Now I am mesmerized by the display of constantly unhealthy behavior, while keeping a healthy distance and doing some healthy introspection on top of it. 

Ever met a couple where one of the people in the couple has a sole purpose of making sure the other doesn’t crash the car well drunk? This reminds me of this narcissist’s girlfriend or sometimes the “enabler”.  The thin line of co-existence & codependency is met by the fact he has interfered with her ability to keep a job, take care of her daughter & function. Meanwhile when she had a job and he didn’t he have no problem asking her for the money for weed. I repeat, “enabler”. I said, I use them to introspect and this is partially why I don’t want my boyfriend to buy me weed. 

How to distance yourself from the narcissist? 

  • Lie– When they call? Say you have stuff to do.
  • Tell Harsh truths- Just as effective as lying because when the narcissist has taken too big a blow on their ego they will back off. (If they are not violent)
  •  Don’t let them control the schedule– They always want to suck you back in to their world. Always state why you are busy or indifferent to their plans. 

I use all of these tips to deal with the family narcissist because getting sucked in is not an option. 

Three things we can’t really say to this family narcissist: 

  • You need a job – You are behind on your bills and can’t afford food half the time. Again you have $8,000 in debt. 
  • Go get medical help – You have serious mental health and addictions issues. Yet you do not address them 
  • Treat your mother & sister with respect – How is it you have slut shamed one & called the other a whore?

Anyways I saw this narcissist last night in Stirling Ontario & as of now at Loyalist College. I am glad it is over. 

 

Check out the Narcissist’s Dilemma written by Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. Published October 12th 2011. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201110/the-narcissists-dilemma-they-can-dish-it-out

Categories
Web design

3 horrible truths of the broke entrepreneur

Dedicated to: Loyalist College Students.

From: Ashton Deroy, Failed Web design Entrepreneur. 

Intro: You should not become an Entrepreneur. Let us face it the sad truth is you went to Loyalist College because you had no idea what to do for your seven-year plan. Chances are you still don’t have a seven-year plan. Why would you start risking your own time & money here? Here are 3 reasons not to be an Entrepreneur. Most successful mid-corps were started/maintained by a family with an already existing body of wealth. I learned this working for Greenwich Associates a financial research & consulting firm where I interviewed CEOs, CFOs, and Presidents of mid-corp organizations.

  1. You are not your own boss – It is not fun to say but someone usually has leverage in business & it often is not the person selling products or services. It can be your supply chain people, your bill collectors, the people you applied for a grant with or even your customers. Ever worked in a call center? Those are communications jobs designed to manage B2C & B2B relationships. Those jobs suck… Why would you want to do that 16 hours a day instead of 10 hours a day for less money?
  2. Being broke – Most entrepreneurs need to borrow & use their own capital to even get to the market but there are no guarantees. Our markets are saturated with products & services as well as substitutes that eliminate opportunities. In the case of my business, a lot of professional communications jobs are eliminated by self-service digital marketing services. This includes logo generators, Kijiji & Facebook.
  3. Hating what you do – Multiple times I have quit my digital marketing business. Even after gaining momentum and gaining contacts. You can fall down 100 times & it does become discouraging. I am a natural sales person but it doesn’t mean rejection doesn’t slow me down. Rejection slows down everyone. 

Listen if you are a Business student in college. You are probably being given a lot of hype for starting your own company. Don’t fall for it! Be an opportunist, not a dead-set entrepreneur. Here is a cliche I love, “Work smarter, not harder.” If working smart means a 9-5 with a pension and a pain in the a** boss. That is fine. There is no shame in being someone’s b****! 

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