Categories
Kingston Ontario

Locks are installed

Locks are installed

Ashton Deroy Writes: My campaign for bedroom door locks is over readers. As of February 7th 2020 me and the female tenant I have referred to have had locks installed on our doors. We are now sleeping through the night more soundly & I am more sure now that my life’s work will be protected. I don’t know if you have caught on by now, but a adversarial Public Relations campaign is not a first choice move I like to go to.

This was a move I went to after having exhausted options of discussion. Despite the success of the locks campaign I will still be changing addresses March 31st 2020. I don’t think it is wise to live under the rental of a property management company that needs so much opposition to hold up bare minimum legal rights. I say this, thankful they completed the lock installation but weary of the future.

As a result the legal matters between Jango Property Management, Jamie Macari & I will be moved out of the public spot light. I have moved the prior blog articles/branding to a safe storage. I have also stopped my claims to Air BnB & Municipal bylaws. Thank you to my readers & anyone in the community who may of helped with our cause. We truly could not of effected change without a community that is engaged & paying attention to our web space.

You guys are the best!

Sincerely

 

Ashton Deroy

Categories
Kingston Ontario Mental health

How to defeat your own self obsession? In 8 easy steps.

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Ashton Deroy writes: I don’t think it is going to surprise any of my readers to learn that I can be a little self-obsessed. Or that I am too big for my britches. If you are someone who takes on challenges you can never beat, or you think karma is your own personal justice. Maybe you think god has taken time for a personal relationship to you or a personal interest in you.

The Universe does not revolve any single one of us. We need to cooperate, collaborate & behave within a productively within a societal collective. “The consciousness of God is the self-consciousness of man.” The Essence of Religion in General. Feuerbach
Essence of Christianity:

In essence the world & therefore the Universe does not revolve around you. None of us are so important we should harm democracy, the environment and the Social Responsibility of the societies we continue to wish to live in. Instead we must find a way to serve society from the collectives we wish to participate in. For example if the family you want to be around votes progressively, you probably should become a progressive if you wish to further that relationship. The problem with thinking the Universe revolves around you & overdosing on individualism is it puts you in a position where you are inaccessible for others. This is where the law, politics & written word become important unifies societies. Versus an individual stance on karma as appropriated by North American society falls short more as a self-indulgent manifestation to take joy in someone’s suffering.

Our massive egos hinder us, they don’t empower us. Protecting a high & mighty ego at the expense of reality is a daunting task. In my family this has resulted in people who are too self-important to work, attend education or even use a social program to for help to find employment. No shots can be taken to the ego & the possibility one of these unemployed idiots might be entirely wrong is viewed as absurd in their eyes. To everyone else it is shared in their collective back talking which the egotistical narcissist can’t even fathom as a fact of life. The fact of life being (If you fall short in morality, work or any responsibility. People are going to judge you in a place that is away from your awareness in a way that breaks away from tyranny.)

Believe it or not I don’t greet everyday with a smile, some affirmations and an anti-depressant. I am functionally miserable. This includes self-actualizing as an autistic adult then realizing just because I exist does not mean people will automatically validate me & treat me with respect. That being said I attended ENSS as one of the few gay people in 2012. I can scrap when I need to, prove someone is wrong &  use social politics.

Here are 8 Steps I believe will help you defeat your self-obsession:

  1. Choose between, There is no god or God has better things to worry about than their personal relationship with you- To defeat your self obsession. Society needs you to choose. Either there is no god or god has better things to worry about than their petty uninteresting relationship with you. Realize things are happening in the world that are larger than your personal crisis. You also have to realize some people may not find what is happening in your life to be interesting. People may find it alarming, concerning, stupid, mundane or you may speak only to be ignored. On the flip side god may find your life to be mundane, stupid, alarming or just ignore you as insignificant.
  2. Realize karma isn’t your personal justice – For me I’d say Karma isn’t my personal justice. I use my blog & when needed my boot (kickboxing). Ultimately this point is just about accepting the fact there is no force in the Universe carrying out your will for what is right & what is wrong. We live in a Nihilistic Universe where we have to make smart decisions & care for our valued individuals in order to survive as a tribe. Essentially you are not the center of the Universe. Consider this, according to Wikipedia Karma is a concept of Indian religions that have just been widely appropriated by obnoxious loose spiritual hipsters with an out of control self-obsession & self-catering view of justice. Origins of Karma  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma 
  3. Live by “Reason is a slave to the passions” David Hume – I am one of the few people in my family who passed High School the first time around. I think this quote had a lot to do with it. If I volunteered I volunteered for causes I cared about. Cancer research, LGBT rights & solving world hunger. I am a Socialist at the end of the day. To go further into this, Christopher Rudan my ex who is learning psychology loved to talk with logic & facts constantly. However he was an empty book when it came to passion. He had no passionate morals, he was the worst kind of atheist who used a philosophy that allowed him to do whatever he wanted. He was self-obsessed, selfish & even worse empty inside.
  4. Don’t bore smart people with stupid issues – We need to go back to a society that recognizes the merit in Hard Workers and the Educated. We need to spend our time with the higher minds of society in a way that is meaningful and rewarding to them. That is just the basic tenant of a meritocracy. To use an example from my life, my brother is a nurse. We like to watch wrestling together, but we are at a stage now where Kyle only wants to watch the high quality performances. He doesn’t want to see stupid gimmicks & tired old story lines. Or another example, my aunt is in the army. When I see her? I actively choose not to bore her with stupid Hippie issues. They just would not interest her most of the time. You want to acknowledge the preferences of the person you are with & cater your interaction to them around that.
  5. Consider the opinions of others. Even if you do not agree – I am not a Conservative. I am a Socialist, but I understand the values of Conservatism quite well. That is because I am not actually closed off to my ideals the way some people idealize I am. Of course I had Conservative friends in college! I went to school for Business after all. If I didn’t remain tolerant and open minded to their ideals, I would of deteriorated every conversation to a screaming match.
  6. Respect yourself without worshiping yourself – I have learned there is a big difference between respecting yourself and acknowledging you are entitled to basic rights & an opinion. Versus telling people you are a genius or even telling people you are smart when you are not… “I am sorry to say if all you do for your intellectual diet is watch shit-posting videos on YouTube & play Fortnite you are an idiot!” You need to participate in active intellectual activities. I recommend audio-books for people who need to tune up their brains.
  7. Don’t talk on & on about yourself – No one is so interesting they should feel the need to do this. I am not opposed to saying “Shut up, you are annoying!” I mean there are certain people who ought to be invoiced for using your conversational time in a selfish way. Stop using people as a toilet for your life story. Many people just are not interesting enough where they should actively practice excessively discussing themselves.
  8. Always remember civility is an illusion – Everyone is acting a part society has convinced them to play. When it comes down to it? We are over grown aggressive primates. A lot of people go around thinking, “Everyone else should be civil but I get to be a complete jerk.” Civility is an illusion, if you want to throw down there are a lot of people who don’t mind ripping off the disguise placed on them by civilization and kicking you in your stupid head! Everyone thinks this mental illness epidemic came out of nowhere, but I truly believe it is just humanity re-loading their primitive roots. Things have gotten too complicated & too stupid. Many people seem ready to jump out in to the open and act like stupid feral primates again. I personally think I can put on civility for 10 hours a day to go out & work. After I am done though I go back to being a monkey who wants to exercise by running, dancing, boxing & loving.

If you are reading this and you can process the fact that you are self-obsessed you need to start getting over yourself immediately. You need to actualize how small & insignificant you are. Once you begin to actualize yourself you can begin to improve yourself. From there we can move in the direction of bettering ourselves & realizing the fact that many of us need to make ourselves smaller for the interests of the collective. Stop making yourself a big deal, go to work, the gym or even go get your high school diploma. Stop being a moron!

Categories
Belleville Ontario

3 red flags you will see with a cheater

3 red flags you will see with a cheater

Ashton Deroy Writes:

This is a conversational blog. Not a blog of authority or academic article. 

Are you codependent? I am, plain & simple. Let me re-phrase. Do you over rely on your partner even if they are sick, mentally ill or an addict? That is co-dependence. Too many people with this psychological issue don’t understand what is going wrong with them. It  keeps them from leaving a partner who cheats, hurts them & mistreats them. I was codependent and I still can over rely on times towards the wrong friends. 

One of the things I am seeing a lot of on #Codependence on Instagram is people complaining about cheaters. They tend to say stuff like cheaters cheat to hurt you, cheaters are sociopaths and cheaters are basically scum of the earth! Okay stop, listen if cheating has been a form of consistent abuse you experience. I am not saying you deserve it. I am just saying you always knew it was there on some level! Regular people don’t get cheated on as a lifestyle! People who overly cling to their love interests, practice a lack of boundaries & are attracted to narcissists are naturally going to attract cheaters. You also see it to people who are magnets to dysfunctional relationships because of a lack of mental health resources.  Here are 3 red flags to spot a cheater & avoid them if that is what you choose.  

  1. Cheaters have no boundaries – I have experienced my first boyfriend hitting on my brother. I’ve seen the same kinds of people who cheat also do stuff like get minors overly intoxicated. Cheaters sometimes are exactly what we say, people of low moral character. If you are well read & have a strong moral character. This is something you should be able to pick up on. It is one thing when a girl dates a fuckboy or a boy dates a party girl. It is another thing when people are telling them “That is their entire identity” but the victim of cheating refuses to listen or uses denial. By the way if you use denial to view your fuckboy or party girl in a better light. You are not an innocent victim! You literally should of picked up on this the first time your friends told you. 
  2. Cheaters are not programmed for monogamy – In this case I do not blame the cheater as much. When someone asks for an open relationship? Clearly monogamy is not going to be a long term solution for this person. This doesn’t mean you can’t still have a healthy relationship. However if you say no but continue to try to posses your partner exclusively and then they still go forward & cheat. I really do blame the person cheated on. On some level in this scenario the cheater is taking responsibility for themselves while trying to maintain the relationship. The person who says no to the open relationship is experiencing denial and using a closed mind. Not using any foresight whatsoever. This was a scenario of forced monogamy. You said no to the relationship that would work better for this person & kept them in a relationship that best benefited you. Recommended reading, Zhana Vrangalova Ph.D. asks are people in open relationships happier? 
  3. Cheaters often use romantic rejection & withdrawn affection as weapons for control – This is something I kind of blame the person cheated on for. Your romantic partner rejected you in the very beginning. All it made you do was want to chase them harder! It isn’t romantic it is creepy, obsessive and you are saying I am open to be controlled and victimized. Not only that but the heavy pursuit of the desired mate whom rejected you is an attempt at pushing your monogamy on them. It is time to withdraw your pursuit of someone when they reject you. That is just the sane thing to do! When a partner withdraws affection? You don’t keep the relationship going, you try to use your time to resolve it and if it can’t be done. You have to move on. 

Listen I honestly do not blame cheaters for everything because it is not all honestly their fault. Cheaters attract codependent, clingy and even unhealthy partners. Sometimes cheaters get together with people who were more interested in them than the other way around. Cheaters pleas for open relationships and or loosened relationships often go unheard. Lastly cheaters tell you early on with rejection this isn’t going to work. Whether the initial rejection is slight or direct, take it as a sign and move on. 

Thank you for reading my blog.

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Categories
Mental health

Talking about a family narcissist. Ashton Deroy

Codependency

Ashton Deroy Writes: Have you ever met someone so pig headed, they would let you criticize our public banking system before they let you criticize them for having, for example $8,000 in debt? That would be the case for me in dealing with one of my family’s narcissists. What is a narcissist?  

Narcissist

Some people think I qualify as a narcissist because I write blogs. However I don’t think the world runs around me & as I will point out to anyone who spends enough time with me, I hate myself. However I am talking about someone who is so truly delusional in narcissistic  behaviors, I could at times buy in to what they said. Although that has faded over time. Now I am mesmerized by the display of constantly unhealthy behavior, while keeping a healthy distance and doing some healthy introspection on top of it. 

Ever met a couple where one of the people in the couple has a sole purpose of making sure the other doesn’t crash the car well drunk? This reminds me of this narcissist’s girlfriend or sometimes the “enabler”.  The thin line of co-existence & codependency is met by the fact he has interfered with her ability to keep a job, take care of her daughter & function. Meanwhile when she had a job and he didn’t he have no problem asking her for the money for weed. I repeat, “enabler”. I said, I use them to introspect and this is partially why I don’t want my boyfriend to buy me weed. 

How to distance yourself from the narcissist? 

  • Lie– When they call? Say you have stuff to do.
  • Tell Harsh truths- Just as effective as lying because when the narcissist has taken too big a blow on their ego they will back off. (If they are not violent)
  •  Don’t let them control the schedule– They always want to suck you back in to their world. Always state why you are busy or indifferent to their plans. 

I use all of these tips to deal with the family narcissist because getting sucked in is not an option. 

Three things we can’t really say to this family narcissist: 

  • You need a job – You are behind on your bills and can’t afford food half the time. Again you have $8,000 in debt. 
  • Go get medical help – You have serious mental health and addictions issues. Yet you do not address them 
  • Treat your mother & sister with respect – How is it you have slut shamed one & called the other a whore?

Anyways I saw this narcissist last night in Stirling Ontario & as of now at Loyalist College. I am glad it is over. 

 

Check out the Narcissist’s Dilemma written by Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. Published October 12th 2011. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201110/the-narcissists-dilemma-they-can-dish-it-out